Don't leave me again
by redstringandreeces
Summary: PROMPT- "I need you. Don't leave me again like you're some kind of martyr – God damn it, I need you."


The fire was too warm on Clarke's face, too bright. Bellamy's eyes were too intense as they fixed on her. She took a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably on the log, not wanting to go through the conversation that lay before them but knowing it was inevitable.

"So, what now?" Bellamy asked, his voice dully hopeful. Clarke's heart clenched at his tone.

"I go." She said, as decisively as she could, "Tonight."

Bellamy's head dropped so he was staring at his own hands, the hope in his eyes flickering. "You don't have to do that." he mumbled, after a moment.

"I do." Clarke said, but her words came out softer than she had intended, almost hesitant. "You know I do."

"Why?" Bellamy asked, and he raised his eyes again to meet hers, wide and dark and pleading. She couldn't help but notice the little flecks of gold that dotted them, the long dark sweeps of his eyelashes.

"You know why." She didn't want to meet his eyes, but he wouldn't let her avoid them.

Bellamy sighed slightly, the muscle in his jaw shifting. She didn't want to argue with him, and so she carried on.

"I was only meant to be here for a few days..." She started, trailing off with the memory. It was true. When Lincoln had found her somehow in the depths of the forest, when he told her gravely that Bellamy was sick and he didn't seem to be getting better and if she wanted to say goodbye she had to go back to camp Jaha with him that instant, she had only planned on doing what she had to and then leaving before she could cause any more trouble. Then she had seen him, pale and sweaty and barely conscious on the bed, and she knew she couldn't leave. Not until she knew what happened to him. That was what had stretched her visit out from a day or two to almost a month.

But now, by what some might have called a miracle, Bellamy was better. He was going to be okay.

Now she could leave.

"I was only meant to stay a few days..." She repeated, not quite sure where she was going, "and it's been so hard. It's been so hard to look everybody in the eye and know what I did. You don't know how it feels..."

Bellamy's eyes hardened, his jaw set. When he spoke his voice was harsh and anguished. "I know _exactly_ how it feels, Clarke."

He forced her to meet his gaze, and her hands fidgeted nervously in her lap.

"You weren't the only person who pulled that lever, remember? You aren't the only one with blood on your hands"

He was right, she knew that, but hearing it hurt.

"I've had to look at these people every day, Clarke, _every single day_ since Mount Weather. I had to think of what _we_ did to get them here."

He glanced at the people around the fire; Octavia cuddled up next to Lincoln, Raven and Wick having some kind of animated debate. Monty and Jasper sat next to each other, talking tentatively like they were trying to build a friendship from the ground up.

"But one of us couldn't run away and hide in the trees, somebody had to look after them. One of us had to make sure every single one of them was fed and watered and safe. One of us has worked their butt off every day for months..."

He trailed off, searching Clarke's face. She was trying her best to keep it blank, even as tears pricked at her eyes. The fire seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortably hot.

"Please don't go."

She'd seen the look on hos face before, over six months ago. It wasn't any less painful.

"I need you. Don't leave me again like you're some kind of martyr- God damn it, I need you."

His voice broke on the last few words, and something deep inside her chest broke with it. Maybe...maybe she could. Maybe she even needed him too, as much as that scared her to think of . Maybe they could do it together.

"Okay." She said. She hadn't completely meant to say the word, but once it passed her lips she knew there was no way she could take it back. Bellamy's eyes widened in surprise, like he barely dared to believe what she was saying.

"I think I'm ready to come back. For good. I...I don't want to be on my own any more."

Bellamy's face split into a smile.

"You know what, Princess? I was hoping you'd say that."


End file.
